Tally Ho
by Sardonic Kender Smile
Summary: Join Canas as he wanders around aimlessly to learn the secrets of everything .:and nothing:. and document it all Nigel Thornberry style!
1. The Intriguing Walls of Laus

_A/N: There aren't enough fanfics out there about Canas…even though Canas is just so dang cool. Purple eyes, purple hair, a MONOCLE, I mean, come on! So, I figured I just HAD to write about him. Get ready to discover ventilation shafts, Camera Blobs, and the fact that even smart shamans can have NO common sense. _

_The stuff written in italics are the things Camera Blob films (Canas's documentaries!)_

The normal words are basically just Canas wandering around.

**The words in bold are Canas' wife.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem. Or Nigel Thornberry. –sob!-_

_**CHAPTER ONE—The Intriguing Walls of Laus**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!"_

_A purple haired shaman appeared on the screen, smiling and waving pleasantly. _

_"Today we will explore…" Canas paused thoughtfully. "Actually, I have no idea what we will explore, but I'll figure it out eventually! Tally-ho!" He started to run, tripped over his cape, got up, grinned sheepishly and waved at the screen, then continued to run._

**At home, watching him, an anima mage laughed as she sat with her son in her lap. A large mirror, swirling with the blackness of dark magic, was in front of her, and Canas was using dark magic to film himself and send these "videos" back to her.**

**"You are hopeless…" the mage muttered, bouncing her child on her knee. "But you are so funny, my husband…"**

-----

"Right, then," said Canas, looking around. "I think I need to find something to explore. But what?" A huge lightbulb appeared above his head. "SNIPERS!"

The shaman didn't know WHY he was going to go run after snipers, but it seemed like an interesting idea. So run he did—right into a wall.

Instead of being dazed, Canas shouted "Intriguing!" and went to work studying the wall. He waved his hand absentmindedly and a blob of black magic appeared beside him, filming his every move.

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, and today we are now exploring A WALL!" Canas held out his hands, displaying the wall. "But not just any wall—this seems to be a SPECIAL wall!" He looked at the screen, and his face fell into a picture of sadness. "Come now, don't think I'm crazy."_

**"That's exactly what I think," his wife muttered.**

_"My dear wife," Canas continued, as if he had heard her though she knew he hadn't, "This wall is special because it is a ROYAL wall! It seems that I am in…" Canas looked around. "Laus. I am in Laus. And this wall makes up part of Marquess Laus' castle! Let's go seek an audience with the Marquess himself, shall we? It would be so fun to interview him, I wonder what it's like to rule a place…"_

_With that, Canas commanded his little Camera Blob to follow him into the castle. Getting past the guards was a simple matter—the Camera Blob accidentally ran into one. Hurt by the black magic, the guard went down._

_"Oh!" cried Canas. "Erm…terribly sorry, old chap. Why don't I leave my vulnerary with you—oh, look! Isn't that just the bee's knees!"_

_Forgetting all about the guard, the shaman ran into the castle to study the ornate walls. He walked through this hallway and that, commenting on everything he saw. _

_"And these are the rugs of Laus! Intriguing! And these are the vases of Laus! Intriguing! Wow, would you look at that! The AIR VENTS OF LAUS!" Without further ado, Canas and his Camera Blob climbed into a vent in the ceiling. They made their way through the ventilation system (and this is the dust of Laus! Intriguing!), but for all Canas' fascination with the world, he didn't have enough common sense to question WHY a medieval castle would have a ventilation system._

_Eventually, though, even Canas found air vents a little less interesting a forty-seventh time around, so he waved to the Camera Blob and it winked out._

"Righty then," Canas muttered to himself. "Perhaps I should get back to documenting the walls of Laus…if I can find a way out of here…goodness it's gloomy…what's this?" Canas peered through a grate to find Marquess Laus standing directly beneath him. The shaman was about to shout "Splendid!" aloud, but noticed a cloaked figure standing in the shadows, and decided to be quiet for a moment.

Canas snapped his fingers and the Camera Blob appeared again.

_"Intriguing," the shaman whispered. _

_"Marquess Laus," said the shadowy figure. It's voice was soft, but it seemed to pierce through the very air. "Your son is not doing so well in the battlefield."_

_"Erik will be fine," said the Marquess, though he didn't sound so sure of himself._

_"Don't be a fool," the figure hissed. "Lord Eliwood is stronger than you estimated. Your son does not stand a chance. We must leave now, before the enemy army appears at our doorstep."_

_"Leave?" asked the Marquess, shocked. "Leave my son! How could I?"_

_"You want to rule Lycia, do you not?"_

_Canas could see a pair of golden eyes glinting through the shadows._

_"Yes, but—"_

_"You knew that sacrifices would have to be made. This is one of them."_

_"I can't leave my son, Ephidel!"_

_The shadow called Ephidel shrugged it's thin shoulders. "Fine then. You don't have to rule Lycia, Lord Nergal can find someone else…"_

_"No!" said Marquess Laus quickly. "You're right. Let us leave."_

_Ephidel made a strange motion with his hands, and the two disappeared. _

_"Well!" said Canas indignantly. "Leaving his own son, of all things!"_

**"Imagine that," said his wife sarcastically, holding her baby close. She smiled and looked down at her son. "Don't worry—your father will come home some day. I knew he'd never be able to stay in one place…he just loves the world too much. He wants to learn everything there is to learn."**

_"Hmm…well, that was odd." Canas looked around. "I wonder where those two went? And I wonder how I get out of here—aaaahh!" The grate Canas was kneeling on suddenly gave, and the shaman tumbled down to the floor. "Righty then…problem solved. If painfully." _

_Canas got to his feet and looked around, motioning for the camera blob to disappear. _

"I say…this is quite a big castle. Now how do I get out? Look, an archer! Come here, Sir Archer!"

The archer nocked an arrow and pointed his weapon at Canas. "What have you done with the Marquess?"

"No, wait…no, don't point that bow at me…what are you talking about? I didn't do anything with the Marquess!"

"Then where is he? Did you see anyone with him?"

"I did see a rather shady character…," Canas confessed. "He had golden eyes, it was most intriguing. Wait! Why are you running away?"

Too late, the archer was gone. Canas sighed.

"Oh dear…I do think I am in trouble. What am I going to do?"

A lightbulb popped up above his head.

"I know! I can run!"

With that, the brave and intrepid Canas boldly…ran for his life.

* * *

_A/N: Yes, yes, it's very short…sorry. Mayhap these chapters will get longer as I discover a plot. Yes, that's right—ONCE AGAIN, Kender has started a story without a plot in mind! (grins). Well, please review if you liked it. I'm off to sally forth unto other random adventures, until the next chapter rolls around!_


	2. The Intriguing Swordsman of Mystery

_A/N: Huzzah! Chapter two! This, though still rather short, is a tiny bit longer than chapter one. It took me a while…I had a bit of trouble deciding how to portray a certain swordmaster's character…well, you'll see._

_**CHAPTER TWO—THE INTRIGUING SWORDSMAN OF MYSTERY**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" _

_A purple-haired shaman stuck his face very very close to the screen, until all that could be seen of him was a purple eye framed by a meticulously polished monocle. _

_"In our last episode of The Expeditions of Canas…tell me, my dear, do you think that is a good name for my documentary series?" _

**"It's just as good as your idea about running off into the world to study it all," his wife retorted with a hint of sarcasm, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. **

_"Ah, I just KNEW you would love it! Anyway…in our last episode, we began our quest for snipers, ran quite literally into the walls of Laus, discovered the air vents of Laus, saw Marquess Laus himself disappear with a shadowy figure called Ephidel and leave behind his own son who was doing battle with some lordling and his ragamuffin army—that DOES sound like it would make a good plot line in some futuristic game, doesn't it?—and THEN we narrowly escaped getting shot through by an archer." _

**"Who is WE? YOU'RE the one putting your life on the line!" **

_"It really makes you wonder what sort of adventures we will discover today!"_

_The eye pressed against the camera drew back, so that Canas' entire face was showing. "Since that all is settled and I wasn't arrowed to death…I think we should resume our quest for snipers, eh wot? After all, the silly little man who shot at me was obviously NOT an experienced sniper."_

**"Luckily for you," his wife muttered.**

_Canas grinned at what was doubtlessly Camera Blob—the blob of dark magic which filmed his every move. "I suppose that's all for now…I'm off to find something to document! Ta-ta!" _

_He waved his hand in Camera Blob's direction, and it blacked out._

"Now then!" Canas exclaimed, standing with arms akimbo as he surveyed the countryside. "I seem to have run clear out of Laus already…so where am I?" He looked around once more, grinning brightly…but when he realized he was in an open landscape with no landmarks or directions or roads in sight, his face quickly fell. "Oh dear…I do believe I am lost."

And then he stood there a moment more in solemn silence.

"Really, this is most…intriguing!"

Grinning again, Canas plunged forward in a random direction. "I daresay I've never been this lost before! It's quite fascinating! Just think how many adventures I can have just finding my way back, let alone the ones I'll find once I HAVE found my way back!"

The sun was bright, the air was warm, and Canas was sure that he was in for a boatload of fun…until of course something jabbed painfully against his back. Canas froze, having just enough sense to realize it was probably the point of a sword.

"Who are you?" a voice asked from behind him.

Taking that as an invitation to become friends instead of a careful interrogation by a mysterious sword-wielder, Canas promptly turned around and exclaimed, "Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!"

The swordsman—a relatively young man with long black hair--merely eyed him warily, raising his sword point a bit higher.

Canas sighed. "Please don't point that thing at me…I've already been shot at recently, I wouldn't like to be stabbed either. So…erm…I would appreciate it if you would put that rather sharp tool down now, my good…sir?"

"Yes," the man said flatly, in answer to Canas wondering if he was a "sir". He still didn't lower his sword.

"Ah, that's splendid. For a moment there I wondered if you were a woman—eep!"

Before Canas could blink, the sword was at his throat.

"No one," the swordsman hissed in a frighteningly calm whisper, "insults Karel and lives to tell the tale."

"I-it's not an insult to say you're a woman!" Canas managed to say quickly. "I have a wife back home, and she is the kindest—"

"The world is not about 'kind'!" the strange Karel snapped, pressing his sword tighter against Canas' neck. Instead of shutting up, Canas only brightened.

"Truly? Ah, you are a philosopher, then! Intriguing! Tell me please, my good fellow, why the world is not about kindness? What is the world about?" He snapped his fingers, causing the Camera Blob to pop up beside him.

_The mysterious swordsman gave a start, quickly whipping his sword from Canas to the Camera Blob. He obviously knew a threat when he saw it._

_"Hellooooo," Canas exclaimed happily into the screen. "And we're back! Now I have my good friend, the philosopher swordsman Karel, to discuss his theories about what the world is about—" _

_"Stop that!" Karel snarled. He looked from Canas to the Camera Blob and back again. "You…you are a magic user." _

_"But of course!" Canas exclaimed. _

**"Can't you tell by the magic blob floating next to him and his unending enthusiasm to learn about things that endanger him and his inability to recognize anything outside his happy little documentary?" his wife asked sarcastically.**

_Karel frowned. "I was hoping to challenge you, but you do not use swords. Therefore, you are useless." _

_"I say!" Canas sputtered. "We shamans are as useful as anything! Did you know elder magic is the strongest of all magics?" _

_"Hmm." Karel suddenly looked eager. "If you are strong, your blood shall be worth spilling." _

_Canas paled. "B-but what about your philosophies? Weren't you going to tell me about those?"_

_"If I must." Karel glared at the shaman. "Life is only about two things—blood and challenges. The purpose of life is to find a challenge. If you fail the challenge, the price is blood. And then, of course…your life is over." _

_"WELL then," said Canas, his eyes wide. "That's quite an intriguing philosophy."_

_He turned to the camera and started documenting. "Here we find more proof that swordsmen really are obsessed with killing themselves senseless, once more concluding that magic users are the more refined of the bunch—" _

_Once more there was a sword point at Canas' throat. "Eep! Um…why don't I stop talking now." _

_"Good idea," growled Karel. "Now…you are talking to your magic. I've never seen a mage do that before. You must be special." _

_"Of course I am! I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Embl—"_

_"Enough!" Karel barked. "No more talking. Just fight me." _

**Canas' wife gasped, and she unconsciously clutched at her son. **

_"Violence is not the answer, old chap," Canas reprimanded. "You're a responsible adult, and you must realize that children are watching this program."_

_"You are afraid," Karel accused contemptuously. "Ha. Then you are not worth my time. Become braver—I shall fight you then. We will meet again." _

_The swordsmaster twirled around and was engulfed in green smoke and then just disappeared in a very mysterious and cliché manner._

_Canas raised an eyebrow. "Hmm…that was certainly odd." _

_He shrugged, grinned, and snapped his fingers. The Camera Blob winked out._

"Goodness," he said to himself. "That was certainly interesting. I've never heard that theory on the meaning of life before." He suddenly brightened. "There must be so many more theories out there! Intriguing! I wonder what they are? I wonder who holds them?"

A great big light bulb appeared above his head.

"SNIPERS DO!" he exclaimed joyfully, running off to find said killers.

**His wife rolled her eyes.

* * *

**

_A/N: Ahaha, Canas stands with arms akimbo! I absolutely love the word "akimbo"…_

_Well, then. That philosophy might not be Karel's actual philosophy…but it is in my opinion. All Karel does is kill and grumble that no one's good enough and kill and act mysterious. And kill. Luckily Canas has escaped, eh? Perhaps I could have him meet a couple of other characters so he can document THEIR mentalities…_

_Yup, this chapter is still too short. Next chapter I'll try to work on that. Please review, if you aren't busy randomly adventuring into unknown peril._


	3. The Intriguing Endangered Pansy

_A/N: Howdy! And huzzah, Canas returns. Though his adventure is still…amazingly short. I just can't seem to make them longer. Ah, well…at least there is still a lot out there to explore! We can expect quite a few more chapters of our favorite shaman…(three guesses from looking at the title who Canas is studying today!)_

_**CHAPTER THREE—The Intriguing Endangered Pansy**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your strange and mystical guide to the world of Fire Emblem!" _

_A familiar purple haired-mage popped up on the screen. Literally, popped up. He had been examining the ground (it is MOST intriguing, he'll have you know) but had jumped up to document his newest find. _

_"Would you just look at this insect?" he asked, peering at the fuzzy caterpillar crawling on his finger through his monocle. "I've never seen anything like it! Do you see these green and red markings here…yes, they are vibrant to warn away birds and other would-be predators. Usually creatures with such bright coloring are poisonous to ingest." He chortled and stuck the bug up close to the screen. "Isn't it intriguing, son?" _

**His wife wrinkled her nose in disgust, but the boy in her lap gurgled and clapped his hands delightedly.**

_"Ha, I just KNEW you would love it! Now, I can tell you another thing about this sort of creature…egad, what is THAT?" _

_A huge clashing sound was reverberating across the land. Canas jumped and looked wildly around—not in fear, but in excitement. _

_"I say, that is the unmistakable sound of a battle! The clang of steel on steel…the clap of thunder from spell books…the taunts about how you're not strong enough to win from idiot level bosses in ridiculously large armor suits!" The shaman clasped his hands in pure rapture. "I wonder who is fighting? Over what? With what odds? It is most certainly time to investigate this whole matter!" _

_He snapped at the Camera Blob and was off running towards danger before it even had time to black out all the way. _

Canas found himself conveniently on a hill, overlooking a large plain. Of course, there was a stream and a couple of groups of trees here and there and a bunch of little sprites running around whacking at each other with shiny weapons. It was a completely typical battlefield. And—as with all typical battlefields—there were some typical brigands running around up in the mountainous terrain.

Canas sighed wearily. "Bandits, bandits, bandits. Why must there always be bandits? It is as if they are generic, or something!"

Suddenly he noticed a particularly easy-to-spot warrior, out fighting in the front lines.

"I SAY!" he exclaimed in utmost delight. "That looks to be…a pansy! Intriguing! My goodness, it's been so long since I've seen one of those…they are rare things in war!"

The Camera Blob appeared in an instant.

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" Canas swept his arm out to the awe-inspiring grid-patterned battlefield. "Today, as you can see, a group of blue people are fighting a group of red people. Yet there is something remarkable in this battle…a rare and endangered species." _

_Canas pointed to a crimson-haired fighter on the "blue people" side. "Do you see there? THAT is a pansy in its natural habitat! Pansies are fairly hard to spot in such a battle, seeing as how they like to talk things out instead of fight." _

_He quit the documenting and turned to watch his prey, fully absorbed in studying it. "Ah…see, it wears all blue as a natural defense against those that think it might actually be female. But because he seems to be trying to protect everyone in the vicinity, we can infer that he is indeed male due to the properties of Guy Rule Number A. Oho!" Canas jumped with excitement. "Intriguing! As all good scholars know, pansies have developed the ability to use tools. This one has a little rapier. Ah, yes! You use that rapier, little pansy! Fight!" _

_"Excuse me," a rather gruff voice said. Canas whirled around to find a purple-haired paladin. "Is there any particular reason you are aiming that dark magic in Lord Eliwood's direction?" _

_Canas looked guiltily at Camera Blob_

_"What dark magic?" he asked nervously as he eyed the paladin's very sharp and shiny silver lance. _

_"That right there." The paladin was scowling. He pointed to Camera Blob._

_"My goodness, old chap…that isn't dark magic! It's ELDER magic!"_

**His wife slapped her forehead.**

_"Whatever it is," the paladin said, "it is pointed towards the heir of Pherae." He lowered his lance, ready to charge Canas. "And it is my duty as a knight of Pherae to stop you from hurting my liege."_

_Canas ignored the lance and looked down to the battlefield with a new sort of awe in his eyes. "Ah! So he's a NOBLE pansy!" _

_"Silence, shaman!" ordered the knight. "Meet your doom!" _

_Canas snapped his fingers._

The paladin looked all around, confused for just a moment. "Your spell has disappeared!"

"Well of course it has," Canas said indignantly. "What, do you think a respectable shaman such as myself would let my magic run amok to hurt endangered species?"

"Who's side are you on?" the knight asked suspiciously, peering down at Canas from his white steed.

"I'm not quite sure, truth be told," Canas admitted. "Which side is fighting for what?"

The paladin was about to retort when someone called,

"Marcus, we need your help!"

Without another glance back at Canas, the knight wheeled his horse around and galloped back into the fray.

"Marcus, hmm?" Canas mused. "Seems like a nice fellow. Besides the lance, and all. Now…what was I doing?"

He looked around for a moment and put a finger to his chin, deep in thought.

"Oh! I know! I was looking for snipers!"

So off he went in search of yet another something that could deal him great harm.

And, as luck would have it, he found something of that sort very quickly.

As luck would also have it, it was NOT a sniper.

It was a berserker, hiding on the outskirts of the battlefield, compliments of the game designers who like to throw in random annoying stronger people with the usual generic bandits while you're not suspecting it.

"I say!" Canas exclaimed, diving out of the way just in time before an immense axe smashed into the ground he was standing on. "Old chap, you can't just go swinging that monstrosity around…someone could get hurt!"

He snapped his fingers and Camera Blob appeared. The berserker hardly took notice of the dark magic. He just kept flailing around with his axe.

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of…ACK!" The shaman quickly dodged again. "—Fire Emblem. Today we find a rare breed of axemen, called a berserker. Though they share the same kingdom and phylum as bandits—woah!—we can indeed prove that these two species are in different classes—stop that!" He had to dive for his life again. " I'm making a documentary, here!" he yelled indignantly as he got to his feet._

**"What are you DOING?" shrieked his wife, both surprised at this sudden fight scene and worrying for her husband's physical and mental health.**

_"I see that axe is steel…quite impressive," Canas noted. "How can you wield such a large weapon? Might I study it for a moment—"_

_The berserker replied with an incoherent scream of rage and another swipe in Canas's direction. _

_Canas hurriedly turned to face the Camera Blob. "It seems that it is time to conclude today's episode," he said quickly, "Tune in next time for the Expeditions of Can—AAAH!" _

_The screen went blurry and fuzzy and suddenly fizzed off. _

**Canas's wife went completely pale.**

-----

"…Intriguing," Canas breathed. Unbeknownst to his wife, the berserker had NOT hit the lucky shaman…he had hit Camera Blob. The dark magic had disappeared, traveling up the axe-wielder's weapon and into his sword arm. The man had screamed in pain and then fell to the ground, unconscious. Now Canas was just standing nearby—but not TOO nearby—and studying his fallen body.

"Ah, wonderful. He does not seem to be dead, yet he is certainly put out for the day. A Camera Blob is such an amazing thing!"

He grinned cheerfully and began marching again, resuming his quest for adventure. "Goodness, what a day! I shall have to fix Camera Blob and resume my documentary tomorrow. I hope my wife won't be too angry at me for that cliffhanger…"

-----

_A/N: For those who don't know…when Canas is talking about Eliwood being a male pansy because he can protect people (Guy Rule Number A)…that's in my story Huzzah!, from some random part where Hector gives a lecture on what it takes to be a real man…_

_And yes, I'm pretty sure Canas's wife is quite furious at him for such a cliffhanger :-P. _


	4. The Intriguing Setting Steriotypes

A/N: Hellooooo, I'm Kender, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Way Too Much AP Homework! _(Waves at the screen) _Today we are demonstrating what it takes for an author (authoress?) with a near 25 lb backpack to find the time to update her story. As you can see, it takes quite a lot. A lot of what, I don't know. WELL, I guess the point of the story is I've become very busy so I apologize for this long wait and the (doubtlessly) long waits to come (though this story shall NOT stop!).

**_CHAPTER FOUR—The Intriguing Setting Steriotypes_**

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!"_

_A purple-haired shaman would have appeared on the screen, but he was obscured from view by shards of pottery and quite a lot of tea. _

**"YOU'RE ALIVE!" his wife screamed, throwing another cup at the screen of dark magic for good measure. It shattered as well, and tea dripped down it's length. "WHY DID YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT?"**

_"Well, my dear, I had fixed Camera Blob about three days ago—goodness, it must have only been an hour after it was broken!—but I suddenly remembered you might be worried about me, so I have sent you this short documentary I shot watching grass grow to let you know I was alright…"_

**"YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS AND YOU _DIDN'T TELL ME?" _**

_"Anyway, grass does get rather less intriguing to study after an hour or so—" _

**"YOU AWFUL, INCONSIDERATE MAN!"**

_"And of course there are several different types of grass, but it seems they all grow at the same rate, and—"_

**"I HAVE A MIND TO TAKE YOUR SON AND MOVE TO NABATA AND LET HIM GROW UP THINKING HE HAD NO FATHER!"**

_"Then I decided you'd like another documentary better…so I went to the nearest village and started documenting all the random village girls, which—" _

**"YOU ARE NO HUSBAND OF MINE!" **

_"And, by all the conclusive evidence the village girl documentary…" Canas smiled brightly through the waterfall of tea staining the screen. "It proved that you really _are _the smartest and most beautiful woman I've ever met!"_

**"…I absolutely love you," his wife whispered, scurrying off into the kitchen to get a rag so she could wipe up her mess. **

_"If you'd like to see the proof, I'll roll the footage right now…" Canas's voice was heard from the living room. "Camera Blob! Roll film!" _

**Sitting on the floor of the living room, Canas's son clapped his hands and looked up at the pictures Camera Blob was showing. **

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" _

_Canas waved at the screen, then swept his hand toward four girls in the background—which was in a room in a small wooden cottage. "Here we see the four main types of 'local' girls! I am at liberty to separate them all into types, of course, because they all seem to be generic—there is one in nearly every house or village—and they all look the same." Canas made his fingers into a rectangle and held it in front of his face, like a pretend video camera. "Note the lifeless eyes, plain brown hair, and freckles on each one."_

_"We also wear the same clothes!" said the first girl brightly. _

_"We also wear the same clothes," the second echoed. _

_"What are you doing in my house?" the third screeched. "Get out, magic-user!"_

_The fourth just peered from Canas to the Camera Blob and back again. "…Are you a magic-user?" _

_"Ah, their dialogue says it all." Canas sighed contentedly, about to launch into an explanation. "As I said before, these girls are mainly organized into four main types. The first is the Helpful Girl, the one that gives you inside information about enemies you're facing if you were facing any enemies. The Not Helpful Girl is just the opposite—she tells you everything you already KNOW about your enemy, were you to have one. The Indignant Girl, here rather violently kicking me out of her house--" It was true, the third girl had her hands on Canas's back and was trying to shove him out her door—"Well, she's one of those young ladies who always screams her head off when anyone comes to her door, or accuses them of being thieves…" _

_Finally Canas was pushed fully out the door, the Camera Blob still filming everything. The Indignant Girl slammed the door shut, and from within a demure voice could be heard asking:_

_"…He was a magic-user, wasn't he?" _

_Canas smiled. "And that last voice belongs to The Bumpkin, that girl that seem to have no idea who you are and what you're fighting for. So, the evidence clearly supports my hypothesis…" He slumped his shoulders a bit. "If the quantity of you around me is decreased, then my happiness is decreased. I miss you, dear." _

**Concern passed over his wife's face as she mopped her tea off of the screen of dark magic. Could she hope…? Would he really be coming home…?**

_"Perhaps…" Canas mused, "I should be getting home soon…EGAD, WHAT IS THAT INTRIGUING THING?" _

_Suddenly grinning, he raced off into the distance. Camera Blob blacked out._

**His wife sighed angrily, but sitting behind her his son was giggling up a storm.**

"Hmm…" Canas mused. About a week of traveling and chasing random intriguing things had brought him to the coast. He was sitting on the dock of a port town, dangling his feet above the water and watching Camera Blob's old footage. It was just random shots of villages, crumbling castles, growing grass, crashing waves, and the odd generic bandit attack on Canas's life. Nothing good, nothing solid enough to make into a real documentary. "No no no," he muttered, "This won't do at all."

He sighed wearily and passed a hand through his purple hair. "If only I could find a sniper…"

"Yearrrrg, snipers ain't good company to be a-keepin'," a gruff voice growled from behind him.

Startled, Canas let out a squeak and jumped to his feet, whirling around to see who had addressed him. He snapped for Camera Blob to start filming.

_"Intriguing," the shaman mused softly to himself. "Gruff voice, unkept beard, eye patch, peg leg, bandanna, striped shirt, hook for a hand, big axe in remaining hand…by all stereotypes, you must be…" _

_Suddenly he noticed that Camera Blob was already at work, so he turned and grinned at the screen. "Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem! Today our particular specimen for study is the Pirate!" _

_Canas held out his hands to the sailor, who just raised an eyebrow and scowled in a sailor-y kind of way. _

_"Now then, we can clearly make the assumption that he is indeed a Pirate due to—" _

_"Aarrrg, what be this foolery?" The pirate glared at Camera Blob. "Why be this darkness a-lookin' at me?" _

_"Why, it's documenting you, old chap," Canas replied in a 'well-of-COURSE' kind of way. "You do seem to be MOST intriguing—" _

_"Yaarrrr, this won't do," the pirate growled. "I offered ye advice about not talkin' to snipers, and now ye be ignoring an old sea dog!" _

_"My good sir, I ignore NOTHING," said Canas, highly offended._

**"Except for your common sense," his wife added, rolling her eyes.**

_"I have heard your advice clearly, but I am afraid I cannot heed it. I am a scholar, you know, and I have things to study." _

_"Hyaarrrg, ye'll never get close to a sniper unless they be aimin' at somethin' else." _

_"Why would a sniper shoot ME?" Canas asked, his purple eyes wide. "Nonsense!" _

_"Arrr, 'taint no nonsense. Nonsense is predictin' the sea in her fiercest storm. Nonsense is a cap'n who thinks his crew will always stay loyal. Nonsense is…this strange thing ye have here." The pirate reached out and poked Camera Blob._

_Big mistake._

_The dark magic shocked the pirate like electricity would. He wailed a long, painful, "yearrrrg"-y sort of wail._

_When he recovered, he was as steamin' mad as a boiled lobster's ghost and fully aware of the fact that he had a big axe in his non-hooked hand._

_"Well," said Canas hurriedly into the camera, "That's all the time we have for this episode of the Expeditions of Canas, join us next time to test how long it takes a man in a shaman's robe to escape from a very fit sailor!"_

_The pirate lunged for Canas with a "hdjaaaarrrrrg" or rage. Very meekly, Canas snapped his fingers to make his faithful Blob fade out._

**Another something breakable shattered against the screen.

* * *

**

A/N: Ah, still more shortness. I suppose that's how this story's just going to be…though I believe it fits, what with Canas's flighty moods :-). (Oh, and Canas's hypothesis about how much he misses his wife IS actually how you do a hypothesis, in the If-Then format...) Oooh, and how'd you like all those different kinds of "arrr"s the pirate said?

Well, hopefully I'll crank out the next chapters to my other stories soon, if you're reading those…and the more reviews I get, the longer I get to procrastinate homework…so _please _review:-P


	5. The Intriguing Recruitment Process

_A/N: Hey, howdy do! I'd like to give a big thank-you to everybody who's reviewed so far…you guys are just great :-D. Well, here's chapter five…hope you enjoy!_

_**CHAPTER FIVE—The Intriguing Recruitment Process**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" A wonderfully British shaman waved at the screen with a triumphant grin._

**"Hewooooo," a little boy echoed as he sat in the living room of his home, "I'm Cannah…" **

**"You're not Canas!" said his mother fondly, pulling him into her lap. "You're Hugh!" **

**"Hewooooo, I'm Hoo…" **

**His mother rolled her eyes. "Great. As if one wasn't enough." **

_"Now, my beloved family, there is only one thing I have to say right now." Canas paused for a moment to build up a sufficient amount of dramatic effect, then bellowed, "HUZZAH!" _

_That being said, he charged into a documentary about the word. "Huzzah is an exclamation, often of joy or agreement, and used when one is happy or excited or in favor of something. It's quite simply an amazing word AND term at the same time, and even today is the military cry of Britain…I say, do you know what a Britain is?" _

_He peered closely into the camera, but apparently Camera Blob didn't know the answer, for Canas shrugged and grinned again._

_"Well, it's no matter. What really does matter is WHY I'm saying 'Huzzah'. It's quite a simple reason, of course…" _

**"You're not dead?" his wife suggested. **

_"And this reason is that my life is still sustained after being wildly chased by a pirate and having cleverly evaded his dastardly plot to eviscerate me and now I shall not have to worry unduly about my soul leaving my physical being nor deal with the complex and widely disputed philosophies over whether I have a soul or not and where it goes after I pass away into oblivion!" _

**"Like you said…quite a simple reason."**

_"Now, then, I'd like to start another documentary on—" _

_A sudden knock sounded on the wooden door behind Canas. _

_"Pirates again!" he yelped, diving under the nearest bed as Camera Blob winked out._

"Open up in the name of Pherae!" a voice thundered before the door swung open. Canas peered out from under the bed to see someone's boots walk into the room and pivot about, as if searching for something.

Boots. Boots were good. Boots weren't axes. Canas tentatively poked his head out from under the bed.

"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to—"

"What?" The stranger in the room wheeled around, his lance at the ready, and a grin broke over Canas's face to see that the stranger wasn't a stranger at all.

"Surely you remember me, old chap!" he exclaimed, sliding out from the bed and jumping to his feet. "I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem! And YOU are Marcus!"

"Aye…" Marcus said slowly, lowering his lance.

"Whatever are you doing here, my good man?"

Marcus nodded his head towards the open door. "I am aiding Lord Eliwood of Pherae in a quest for his father. Would you happen to know anything about the situation?"

"If there's one thing I know, it is 'avoid the pirates'," Canas told him. "Really, it's simply crucial that you avoid them at all costs. You can go up through that alleyway that would be at the top of the screen if we happened to be in a futuristic RPG game…they'll never find you there."

"Thank you," said Marcus, though he looked a bit perturbed. He turned to walk out the door as Canas mused to himself,

"Hmm, what to document now? Perhaps I could go on about why this house is conveniently abandoned for me while all the others go on their quest…WAIT!"

A giant light bulb appeared above his head. "That's it! I'll just go join them on their quest! I'm sure I'll have BUCKETS of things to document! Study subjects will rain from the sky! I shall ask Marcus right no—"

"I've been listening to you rant the entire time," Marcus informed him.

"Ah, splendid." Canas folded his hands in front of him pleadingly. "Please let me come along on your adventure! I can assure you I'll be quite a lot of help! I know so very many things!"

Marcus looked the shaman up and down, appraising him. "Can you fight?"

"Of course I can!" Canas pulled a huge stack of Flux tomes out of nowhere and held them up. "Look at all these books of magic I can use!"

Marcus's eyes widened. "That is dark magic."

"Actually, that's a common misconception." Canas grinned bashfully. "I prefer the term _elder _magic…it's very powerful, of course, people just see it as dark because it's all about things that people don't understand and—"

Canas was just about to get into an unfathomably deep and philosophical conversation, but right at that moment someone yelled for Marcus and the paladin sprung into action.

"Come along, if you wish," he ordered, striding towards the door.

"Of course!" Canas slipped his Flux books into his sleeve—don't ask how, he's a shaman, he knows how to do it—and was hurrying after Marcus with an excited cry of "splendid!" in no time.

He didn't know what to expect—something fun and interesting, of course. What really happened was that a whole army of people rushed past him and someone started screaming at him to go the other direction and check out the houses. Canas stared after the ragtag army for a second before walking to the next house over.

"Excuse me," he said, knocking on the door. "I've been ordered to—"

"Well, hello there!" a redheaded girl said as she swung open her door. She pulled him inside and grinned cheerily, her finger poised picturesquely at her chin. "What are you doing here? I'm waiting for my boyfriend…he's a pirate!"

"Y-you!" Canas gasped. For some reason that girl looked so incredibly familiar… "Excuse me, miss, but where do I know you from?"

The redhead giggled. "You know me from everywhere, I'm sure, everyone does! I'm Anna! I appear in the most random places, including the battle menu because I know everything about link cables, and I'm also the one giving out information in the guide in Path of Radiance! In one tutorial the player woke me up because I was dreaming that I was a pirate…" She giggled. "Oh, I've said way too much. You just go along, now!"

"W-what?" Canas exclaimed, but it was too late—this "Anna" person had pushed him out of her house.

He stood there and stared at her door, his purple eyes huge. "Now THAT is a mystery worthy of documenting."

He was just about to snap for Camera Blob, but someone shouted for him again and he hurried after the army.

"I say, this day has been absolutely INTRIGUING!"

* * *

_A/N: Alright, so Canas has finally teamed up with Eliwood and company :-P. Now he officially has loads and loads to document…but I don't want to miss out on one intriguing thing. So, if you guys have any ideas for what Canas should study, please let me know, ok? (And yes, that Anna person is absolutely EVERYWHERE and personally I think she is SO annoying because she has no background and no purpose except for to tell you stuff you already know. Has anyone else noticed her? I know I'm not the only one!)_

_WELL, that's all for now. Please review and all that, wot wot!_


	6. The Intriguing Confusing Cleric

A/N: Well howdy do. I have labored long and hard during math class to bring you chapter six! Woohoo! It's WAAAAY better than functions, I'll tell you that much…of course, that's not hard :-P.

_**CHAPTER SIX—THE INTRIGUING CONFUSING CLERIC**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" _

**"Hellooooo, I'm your wife, the woman wondering HOW IN ELIMINE'S NAME DO YOU HAVE THE GALL TO LEAVE ME WITH SUCH CLIFFHANGERS!"**

_"I really should be fighting right now, but I believe it is essential that you know—" _

**"Honestly! Swordmasters, bandits, paladins, pirates! What next—you've joined an army?" **

_"—And I have currently enrolled in the army of Lord Eliwood of Pherae—" _

**"You WHAT?!" his wife screamed. **

_"--seems like a nice enough chap, though I still have yet to discover what we're actually fighting for—" _

**"Great, now you've put yourself in even MORE danger! What do you have to say for yourself!" **

_"—And I suppose that's all I have to say." The shaman on the screen smiled and waved. "My love to you both—cheerio!" _

"WELL then," said Canas as Camera Blob disappeared, "What exactly am I doing?"

He looked around for an answer, but everyone had already gone up ahead, so he hurried after them.

"Righty-o, I've joined an army and we are now sneaking around the village so the pirates will not hear us—"

"SHHH!" a voice hissed. "They'll hear you!"

Canas spun around to see a girl in a long white dress, with her bubble-gum-pink hair tied up into pigtails. "Aha! There's someone behind me!"

"Quiet!" the girl commanded, a little louder this time. She had a very perky voice.

"I say, whatever are you doing back here with me?" Canas asked. "Should you not be up there with the rest of the army?"

The girl scowled and folded her arms. "Erky and Matty said I'm slow and left without me!"

"Oh, that's simply splendid!" said Canas, linking his arm through hers. "We can walk to gether! We elder magic users are frightfully slow as well…we're scholars, you see, so we can't just walk, we have to walk and _read_—"

"I SAID QUIET!" the girl screeched as she wrenched her arm away. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKING AROUND THE PIRATES BUT IF YOU KEEP TALKING THEN THEY'RE GOING TO FIND US AND KIDNAP ME BECAUSE I'M THE PRETTIEST WOMAN HEEEEERRREEE!"

Her shriek echoed through the alleyway, bouncing off walls and over roofs and into the blue sky. A slight rumbling sounded, more due to an ominous feeling than something that could actually make such a rumbling noise, and suddenly up by the front lines of the army Canas could hear a loud

"AAAARRRR!"

"Pirates!" the shaman yelped with a wince. He hoped that pirate he met before wasn't still angry with him.

"SERRA!" a voice shouted in rage. Canas looked up to see a purple-haired mage running towards him and the pink-haired girl. "Look what you've done! Now they've found us!"

"It wasn't my fault!" the girl whined. "It was him!" She pointed at Canas.

"I say!" said Canas, surprised that all the blame was suddenly his.

"Serra," the young mage snapped, "You can't go blaming the new recruits for your mistakes!"

"So Serra is your name?" Canas asked her eagerly. "Ah, that's an intriguing name!"

"If that's the word," said the mage wearily. "Yes, this is Serra. She's a cleric, she can't fight, and she is unfortunately my responsibility. I sincerely apologize that she has been bothering you, sir."

The mage took Serra's hand and started to drag her away, but Canas cried, "Wait!"

The two stopped and looked at him quizzically, and the shaman felt himself grin. "My good purple-haired man, this young woman looks so unique…would you mind if I escorted her for a while and documented her?"

"…Document?" the mage asked blankly.

"But of course!" Canas snapped his fingers and Camera Blob swirled into view.

_"Impressive!" the mage boy said, his eyes widening. "Elder magic?" _

_"YES!" Canas exclaimed elatedly. "It's ELDER magic, not dark! You, my boy, are quite the pupil. Now you just run off and do your duty with the army, and I will watch Serra for you." _

_"I don't know…" the young man said doubtfully. "That would be awfully cruel…" _

_"To leave her?" Canas looked concerned. "Well, I can assure you, I will keep her company until you return—" _

_"Oh, not cruel to her. Leaving her here would be cruel to YOU, sir." _

_"Oh, pish-posh!" Canas laughed. "Trust me, there's nothing I can't handle!" _

_…Unfortunately, after Erk left and Canas had said his customary "hellooooo" greeting and Serra had begun screeching at the dark magic and wouldn't stop for fifteen straight minutes, the shaman looked as if he was beginning to wonder whether he had finally found something he definitely couldn't handle._

_"As you can see," he tried to explain to Camera Blob, nearly shouting over Serra's keening scream, "her voice range is in an intriguingly high octave! It can be assumed that this trait is akin to her biological make-up of preppiness, as is also demonstrated through her perky attitude, pink hair, and immense lung capacity!"_

_As soon as Canas stopped speaking, Serra stopped screaming. Canas began to smile with relief, but he hardly had time to blink before Serra sucked in a huge breath and started to scream again._

_"I say!" the shaman protested, "I am trying to make a documentary, and you are setting a bad example for my son!"_

**Hugh laughed and instantly began to shriek as high and loud as he could. His mother rolled her eyes.**

**"Canas, you jinx…" **

_"You have a son?" Serra suddenly exclaimed. Now mysteriously unafraid of Canas or his dark magic, she walked up close to Camera Blob so all you could see was her face. "So, what's your son like? Is he hot? Is he cute?"_

_"Erm," said Canas in confusion, "the last time I checked he wasn't feverish, but he IS cute…" _

_Serra slowly turned to face the shaman and asked in disbelieving disgust, "YOU think he's cute?" _

_"Well of course!" _

_"PERVERT!" Serra screeched. She raised her staff high, like a weapon._

_"Intriguing!" Canas exclaimed upon noticing the staff. He turned to Camera Blob. "This is a heal staff. It has been blessed with the healing powers of Saint Elimine and is not to be confused with magic or science because everyone knows that mixing religion with magic or science is absolute blasphemy. Now, this bulb at the end of the staff emits light—" Canas reached out to touch it, but Serra shrieked and batted his hand away._

_"Don't touch my staff, creep! Eww, I can't believe you think your own son is cute! What a sicko! Stay away from me!" _

_And with that, Serra ran away. Canas looked into the Camera Blob, obviously completely baffled. _

_"What? Aren't babies cute?" _

**His wife just sighed.**

_Able to get no response through Camera Blob—it only works one-way, of course—Canas simply shrugged and snapped his fingers. Camera Blob blacked out._

"Righty then," Canas declared, "Time to get into some action!"

SO, Canas got into some action. Pirates yelled "YEEAARRRG" and swung their axes and altogether looked very angry and very…uneducated. Canas frowned. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was uneducated people.

So he just whipped out his flux tome and blew them all to smithereens, though he was sure to apologize afterwards.

Since Canas was such a help, it left the rest of the army free to attack the final boss and the random cavaliers and paladin that were just sort of put in there to be even more annoying. (All of which Canas documented. Along with the fact that when the other soldiers had killed Fargas, he jumped right back up and said something to the effect of "hardy har yaaar now ye lubbers can board me ship ARRRRRR!)

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem! Now as you can see, m'dear, we are boarding a pirate ship. These ships are known for their speed and—" _

_"YARRR, GET ON THE SHIP!" a pirate bellowed into Canas's ear. _

_"Pirates!" he squeaked, sprinting aboard.

* * *

_

A/N: There you go, I've documented Serra! I certainly think she's document worthy…SO! Tune in next time for another episode of The Expeditions of Canas! (Please leave a review, unless YE be grapplin' with pirates at the moment. As I'm sure quite a few of you are.)


	7. The Intriguing Shipshape Shops

A/N: Here we go, chapter seven after a long delay. Wait…seven?! Woah, I had no idea it was this much already! Albeit each chapter is really short…

_**CHAPTER SEVEN—THE INTRIGUING SHIP-SHAPE SHOPS**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm—"-duck!-"—Canas, your guide—"-dodge!-"--to the strange and mystical world of—"-dive!-"—Fire Emblem…! EGAD, will you not just let me make a documentary?" _

_Finally fed up, the purple-haired shaman on the screen pulled a Flux out of his sleeve and completely obliterated the pirate in front of him. _

_"I say," he breathed, dusting off his hands after slipping the tome back into his voluminous sleeve, "These enemies truly are a nuisance. All I want to do is make a documentary about something QUITE intriguing, and—"_

_"Look out!" a voice yelled as a mercenary rushed for Canas. The shaman jumped with a squeak of surprise before turning and running away across the deck of the pirate ship, yelling something about being a scholar and not a warrior. A cavalier with a mop of teal hair took his place to fight the mercenary._

_"Ah, good man," Canas declared. He gestured towards the cavalier. "Here we have Lowen. He's quite a faithful chap, dedicated to his duty and his liege and all that, and no one disputes that he has a bit of skill…" The shaman put a finger to his nose knowingly. "However, it's obvious that this young man's REAL skill lies in that…he manages to get around even though he simply CAN'T know where he's going! I mean, honestly!" _

_Canas hurried over and jumped on the back of Lowen's horse—rather nimbly, for someone bedecked in heavy shaman clothing. Then he proceeded to hold up a fistful of the cavalier's hair. "As you can see, it's incredibly thick and quite an unusual color…almost outlandish, really."_

**Canas' wife stared at her husband's own bright purple hair, her eyebrow raised.**

_"Of course, even that is excusable…that earlier cleric, Serra, for example—she has unusually colored hair," Canas plowed on, unaware of his innocent hypocrisy. "What REALLY makes this Sir Lowen a wonder is that his hair is SO LONG!" Canas gave the cavalier's hair another tug. "It completely covers his eyes…it's quite a wonder that this young man has ANY idea of where he's going. And still somehow he can…it's most intriguing, really." _

_"Excuse me?" Lowen said, grunting as he ran through another pirate with his lance. "Uh…it's kind of hard to fight with you yanking my hair, sir…" _

_"OH! My apologies!" Canas quickly hopped down from the horse and Lowen proceeded fighting with those awesome I-can't-see-where-I'm-going skills of his. "Carry on old chap…"The shaman grinned at the camera. "Ah well…there's still lots more to explore, and just on this ship along, I'm sure!" _

_He snapped, and Camera Blob winked out._

"Now then," said the shaman aloud, glancing at his surroundings. He was on the deck of a pirate ship, which was being besieged by two other ships at the same time. Four planks connected the three ships, and a steady soldier had been sent to guard each plank. Since Canas realized he hadn't been much help to Lowen, he was beginning to fear that he would distract the other soldiers guarding the other makeshift bridges onto the ship. Therefore, he decided to stay away from them. Instead, he turned around to find two strange openings into the ship's cabin.

"I say!" Canas exclaimed, peering at them both. "It simply _can't _be…"

Oh, but it could. As Canas hurried toward the two doorways, he realized that…one was a shop, and the other was an armory.

"Shops on a pirate ship!" he gasped in wonder as he snapped his fingers. Camera Blob swirled into view.

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem! Here we behold a Wonder of the World. The first Wonder is, of course, the Rare and Endangered Pansy. This second Wonder, as shown here, is one of the most handy and clever ideas known to man—putting shops on a pirate ship!" The shaman scuttled back and forth around the shops, earning himself a couple of strange looks from the owners of the two stores. _

_"Now, why would there be shops on a ship, you ask?" Canas said to the screen._

**"I didn't…" his wife started to say, until Hugh kicked his feet against the edge of his seat in excitement and bellowed "WHY WHY WHY!" **

_"To the untrained eye, this must seem like the strangest thing possible to have on a pirate ship. It's just RANDOM, as if some Magical Game Designer in a land Far Far Away decided that some person termed something like…well, let's just give them the randomly selected given name of 'n00b'…as if this All-Powerful Designer decided that the 'n00b' would need these random shops, to provide them with items and healing magics." Canas waggled his finger knowingly. "However, it's very plain to see that there's obviously a good reason there are so many items here."_

_He threw out his arms and exclaimed, "It's a PIRATE ship! Honestly, these pirates must go pillage places all the time! Therefore, they would have tons of their so-called 'booty' aboard this ship!" He suddenly grew pensive, stroking his chin. "Yet that doesn't explain how these items came to be in STORES, being SOLD as if we were in a market on land…"_

_"Hey," the bearded armory manager said in a gruff voice, "Are you going to buy something or not?" _

_"I'm THINKING, old chap!" Canas retorted indignantly. And so he thought a bit longer, until his purple eyes lit up with a sudden idea. _

_"I say! Logically, of course…if someone is selling items on a pirate ship, they must be a…PIRATE! And, as we are able to deduct from the sea-dog masses forcing their way onto our ship right now, pirates are the ENEMY!" _

_Pleased with his sudden epiphany, Canas pulled out his Flux tome once again and prepared to vanquish the shopkeepers…_

_Until a fellow purple-haired magic user tackled him, ruining his aim and sending his flux spiraling harmlessly into the ceiling. _

_"What are you DOING?" the newcomer cried. "They're here to help us!" _

_"But Erk, they're pirates!" Canas insisted, struggling to his feet. "I must fight pirates!"_

_"Not the ones that are on OUR side!" Erk shouted back._

_Canas blinked, glanced from Erk to the shopkeepers, and whispered, "Ah. Terribly sorry."_

_"Besides," Erk grumbled, standing up and dusting himself off, "They AREN'T pirates. They're the same Armory Man and Shop Lady we've seen since this whole adventure started."_

_"That's true!" Canas gaped. "Intriguing! How could they possibly be the same ones?" _

_"It's easy," Erk snorted, "They…hmm." The mage's eyes widened. "I…I don't know!"_

_"It seems we have a conspiracy on our hands," Canas declared, failing in all attempts to sound grave because he was unable to mask the excitement in his voice._

_A loud "YEAAARRRG!" was heard in the background, and Erk turned to look at the maker of the sound. _

_"Sir?" he ventured, pointing, "Perhaps we would want to deal with this conspiracy first…" _

_Canas turned, and Camera Blob swiveled around as well to film the enemy pirates pushing past Lowen and swarming aboard. _

_"Right," Canas agreed with a nod. "This conspiracy comes first. Out into the fray, m'dear!"_

_He winked at the camera and snapped. Camera Blob blacked out._

**"ENOUGH WITH THE CLIFFHANGERS!" his wife screeched.

* * *

**

A/N: Giving due credit, the idea of documenting how Lowen can see was provided by magebear7 and Phoenix-Kensai…and the idea of shops on the pirate ship was provided by slash89slash. Thanks, guys!

Will Canas ever solve these strange conspiracies? Will Erk ever get a break? Will pirates win the battle? OBVIOUSLY, since both sides have pirates on them! Irregardless…tune in next time to The Expeditions of Canas! (And please leave a review if you're not too busy storming pirate ships yourself!)


	8. The Intriguing Hereditary Hair

A/N: WOO, CANAS! Jeez, these tiny chapters take quite a long time to write, I'm discovering…still, that is no excuse for the terrible late-ness of this chapter. (Bows head in shame) Well, it's chock full of documented stuff…hehehe, Fiora gets her 15 minutes of fame…anyway, please enjoy!

_**CHAPTER EIGHT—THE INTRIGUING HEREDITARY HAIR**_

_"Hellooooo, I'm—no, Camera Blob, up here…no, not there! Here, at my face! Yes, I know this place is very interesting, but I have to make my docu—ah, there we go."_

_After zooming around showing various shots of leafless and twisted trees, dead marsh grass swaying beside rivers running with black water, and a dark sky wreathed with swirls of ominous mist, Camera Blob finally came to rest upon the smiling face of a very happy shaman._

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!" Canas gestured behind him to the decrepit, dying wasteland that was the Dread Isle. "This place is absolutely GORGEOUS, eh wot?" _

**"It looks like what Hugh threw up this morning…"**

**Hugh burped before gurgling happily.**

_"At any rate, I believe quite a bit of backstory is needed at this point in time." Canas adjusted his monocle in a scholarly fashion. "Now, by now you know that I am traveling with Lord Eliwood of Pherae—OOOH, I had nearly forgotten I learned something MOST intriguing! Whilst aboard that pirate ship, I discovered that Lord Eliwood is the very rare and endangered pansy that I had documented earlier! I must say, that realization was simply SPLENDID, and I must secure an interview with him at a later date to conduct further studies upon…oh right, back to documenting. Ahem. Now then, apparently he and his friends Lord Hector of Ostia and Lady Lyndis of Caelin are going on a grand journey to find Lord Eliwood's father. I'm not exactly sure what lead them all the way to this delightful place, but I'm so glad we're here!" He took off his monocle then, looking a bit out of sorts, and polished it on his sleeve. "But I must say it's hard to see with all this fog…"_

_"Come on then, everybody!" a sandy-haired man in a red cape sang, sprinting by. A group of warriors followed him, including a delighted Canas._

_"That is Matthew," he pointed out as he ran. "He is a thief. Thieves have a wide variety of useful skills—they can steal items from opponents, open locked doors and chests, see through fog, and even escape Serra! They also have quite a fascination with shiny objects. I remember taking notes on the behavioral patterns of thieves, they should be right here…" Canas pulled a book out of his shaman sleeve and began reading it as he ran. Because he's a shaman, and as stated in the last chapter, shamans always have to read when they move. That's why they're so slow. It's just how things are done._

_Eventually Camera Blob got bored of following Canas, who was doing nothing of interest, and began to show a slideshow of previous footage it had captured of the Dread Isle. Across the screen flashed more scenes of dying plants, stagnant pools, and twisting fog. After that came several shots of people—a blue-haired young man hefting a giant axe and a young Sacaean woman with long emerald hair glancing about warily, the "Endangered Pansy" from before escorting a pale girl with eyes of a crimson color that matched the Pansy's hair, Serra clinging in fright to Erk (who was desperately tying to escape and hide behind a pirate that was adjusting his jaunty bandana), and a timid girl hovering a few feet off the ground on a magnificent white Pegasus._

**"Horsie!" shrieked Hugh in delight.**

Canas continued to walk, but slipped his book back into his sleeve.

_"I say," he remarked, causing Camera Blob to jolt out of its slideshow, "It looks like we're the only people on this whole island! No one dares to come here, you know, because it is supposedly haunted…what if we're the first people to come in years? In CENTURIES? Intriguing!" _

_Canas bounced on the balls of his feet slightly in excitement…until the lone figure of a man riding a horse appeared through the mist._

_"Ah well," Canas sighed, snapping his fingers in an "aww darn" kind of way._

_Taking that as its cue, Camera Blob winked out._

**"HEY!" Canas' wife, caught up in the suspense, yelled at the now-black screen. She tapped her toe impatiently until the screen flickered back to life.**

_"Sorry about that, loves," Canas said calmly, polishing the edge of his monocle on his shirt. "Don't worry, nothing much happened. That dark figure turned out to be Uhai of Sacae and he captured Lady Lyndis and then let her go so we can fight him and his henchmen, the girl with the blue hair and red eyes predicted this danger before it even happened, and Leila—a spy of Ostia—has been murdered and left out here in the most INTRIGUINGLY grotesque fashion for her fellow spy Matthew to find. The chap was quite upset about it, I must say. But none of that is as exciting as the fact that…THERE'S ANOTHER PEGASUS RIGHT THERE!" Canas pointed in an extremely happy fashion._

**His wife's jaw nearly hit the floor at the grim oddities that had befallen the army and loud "whoosh!" sound they had made as they flew right over her husband's naïve head.**

_Canas, in the meantime, had turned and began looking at the first Pegasus rider—for the lavender haired girl's eyes had widened, and she stared at the new Rider with an almost unbelieving gaze. Suddenly she cried out and flew to the new Rider almost faster than the eye could follow (with Canas right behind her, of course)._

_"Fiora!" the flying girl called as she zoomed to the newcomer. "Fiora, is it really you?"_

_"Florina!" the stranger yelled back._

_Little Florina rapidly dismounted right next to Fiora's Pegasus and threw her arms around Fiora's neck. "Sister, sister, I've missed you so much! Where have you been? Where are your comrades?"_

_Fiora grew sullen and stared at the barren ground. "Florina…I've failed them all…I should have—" _

_This would have rapidly turned into a very heart-wrenching moment between the two sisters, had Canas not popped up between them and exclaimed,_

_"Hellooooo, I'm Canas, your guide to the strange and mystical world of Fire Emblem!"_

_"EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!" Florina shrieked louder than even Serra was capable of, and sprinted away. Fiora just took a simple step back and stared at our favorite shaman in surprise and confusion._

_"Er…hello sir, I am Fiora." _

_"It's absolutely splendid to meet you. Camera Blob!" Canas waved at the floating splotch of dark magic and it zoomed in on Fiora's face._

_"Although it may seem that Pegasus Riders are quite the novelty," the shaman began, "in actuality they do not seem to be so rare. Here we have Fiora. She seems eerily like her sister in all but hair color…they have identical steeds and even outfits! It is quite uncanny and highly impractical, seeing as it would be nearly impossible to ride a horse in such a short skirt—"_

_"This is the garb of all Ilian Pegasus Riders," Fiora informed him, a tad frostily. "We are an elite unit, and can be recognized by our uniforms when we are not with our mounts. Even my sister Farina, who was more of a mercenary than anything else the last time I checked, still dons this outfit." _

_"Ah, I know your sister!" Canas told her, his purple eyes wide. _

_"Really?" Fiora's cool composition was gone, suddenly replaced with a sort of worried eagerness. "You have seen her? Short, dark blue hair? Do you know where she is?" _

_"I do not know about the hair," Canas answered, a tad confused now, "But she should be right over there…" He pointed to Farina, who hiding behind a tree fifty yards away and peeking at him timidly. Fiora shook her head._

_"No, no, that's FLORINA. Farina is my other sister." _

_"There are THREE of you?" Canas asked in bewilderment. "Intriguing!"_

_"Er…I suppose so." Fiora glanced warily at Camera Blob. "Sir...forgive me if I sound a bit strange, but I feel as if that magic is…watching me." _

_"Well, of course it is, poppet!" Canas exclaimed. "It's documenting you! Would you allow me an interview?"_

_Fiora craned her neck, watching the other soldiers fight amidst the fog of the Dread Isle. "Actually, I think I should join these troops and—"_

_"Nonsense, this shall take no time at all," said Canas firmly. Camera Blob zoomed close to Fiora's face, and in surprise she fell back against her Pegasus._

_"So, let me ask you, Florina—"_

_"Fiora."_

_"My apologies. Let me ask you, Fiora. You say you have another sister with dark blue hair?"_

_"Yes, that is Farina…she—"_

_"Yet how exactly can that be?" Totally disregarding personal space, Canas peered closely at Fiora's teal tresses and then into her eyes. "Three different hair colors—lavender, teal, and dark blue—means three different traits. They aren't even traits that can be blended, such as a white flower and a red flower cross-pollinating to form a pink flower. Really, if you do the Punnet Square on this situation, it's nigh impossible to come out with three completely different shades…"_

_"I…am afraid I do not understand, Sir." Fiora shied away, ever so slightly, from Canas' gaze—piercing beneath the monocle._

_"Forgive my bluntness, Farina--"_

_"Fiora."_

_"Yes, yes, Fiora. Forgive my bluntness, Fiora, but I must ask…are you or one of your sisters adopted?"_

_"No!" Fiora exclaimed. "We are all related by blood, as close as we can be. Why do you ask such a question?"_

_Canas frowned. "Biologically, it makes absolutely no sense. I can't make heads or tails of this conundrum. How could the three of you carry three different genes for hair color unless there were THREE different parents…? WAIT! EGAD! EUREKA!" His monocle was back, peering at Fiora from a distance of barely an inch. "What if one of you carries a RECESSIVE gene from a grandparent, passed down from your mother or father unknowingly?"_

_"A…what, you say?"_

_"Do you support this hypothesis, Fiora?"_

_"It's Fiora," the Pegasus Rider corrected. _

_"Quite right, my apologies. Er, wait…" Canas paused for a moment…before deciding he was clearly too muddled up to dwell on anything when the names of the Pegasus Sisters were involved, and plowed ahead. "Well, thank you very much Miss, er, whichever one you are. I believe I shall go interview your sister now. Cheerio, pip pip!" _

_With that, Canas sped away, not even bothering to dismiss Camera Blob._

**"I can't help but feel very sorry for her sister."**

* * *

A/N: Okay, the passing documentary of Matthew was suggested by magebear7, the conspiracy of Fiora and Florina's outfits was Rexnos' idea (of course, the hair biology thing I just HAD to add in myself…), documenting the dread isle itself was Phoenix-Kensai's idea…I think that's it for this chapter. Thanks, guys! 

NOW—if anyone knows what happens after you defeat Uhai at the end of this level (what the next level is, or what comes next in the plot, or whatever), would you mind reminding me? My memory is a little hazy, and of course Canas would never forgive me if I forgot something for him to study…

Well, that's all for this chapter (I've got a chapter of Huzzah! ready to post, as well, for all who read that story)…hope you liked it. Please review, unless of course you're engaged in a heated debate about hereditary traits with YOUR siblings!


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